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Saturday, 2 February 2013

How to Write About Australia


Make sure to be always including words such as "down under or "Mate". Make sure never to talk about skyscraper or cars or any moderne civilization for that matter. Also throw in typical words like "Mate" or “Barbie” or even “Far-out”. Note that "Australians" are no real australians they are just tourists who claim they are, however "Aussies" or "Bogans" are true australians. If you where to include a picture, don't have a picture of a city or a wharf surrounded by nice houses. Simply have a desert landscape, with a dry surface and a couple of kids throwing around a boomerang with only cloth made underwear on. If you where to describe australia, make sure to include that it is one very large country and most people there are aboriginals and criminals who were put there by the british. There are only two landscapes in the entire of australia, there is the dry barren desert and there are the beaches. If you are going to talk about beaches make sure to talk about how australians swim and surf with crocodiles and if the beach is too full they go to the lake and ride crocodiles. Staying on the topic of animals, talk about how australians don't have dogs or cats as pets they have koalas and kangaroos. And there typically name them “Roo” Also, mention in some cases that when we out of petrol in our cars we ride our kangaroo to school.  In your text, when you talk about food make sure to inform your readers that Australians only eat: vegimite, kangaroo, crocodiles, seafood, meat and Anzac biscuits. Note that if people do not have this typical diet that they are automatically not australian. Throughout the book make sure that all your characters have these three things. Firstly, that they play sport every saturday and are very competitive. Secondly, give a boy the name “clayton” and the girl a name like “chantelle”. Thirdly, adopt a personality for your characters that has them ask question that don't need to be answered, such as “ Oi mate, how heavy the rain today?”. Also, you must make sure that you mention the only person that australians idolize Steve Irwin. Make sure you don't talk about any other celebrity, unless to compare how bad they are compared to steve irwin. Note that your characters are not formal, for example a sentence such as “Hey Jimmy, can you pass the TV remote” in your book it must be like “ Oi Jimbo, chuck us the remote would ya mate”. Readers will be put off if you don't refer to the fact that australians have a large grudge for New Zealanders and that you will never find a new zealander in within 100 meters of a group of australians alone. If you follow these things you will be able to write a book on australia that people will understand.

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